Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

written by Chris Terrio and David S. Goyer

based on the Batman and Superman characters created by Bob Kane, Bill Finger, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster

directed by Zach Snyder

Rating: 1 / 5 – Awful

Half an hour into Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice I found myself looking at my wife and uttering a sentence I never in my wildest dreams thought I’d say: “You know, Ben Affleck is pretty good in this.” And just as I said it I felt like Darth Vader at the end of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (2005): “Nooooooooooooooooo!!” 

You know things really suck when Ben Affleck seems like the best thing in a movie, and yes, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice sucks donkey balls. There’s really no point going into what passes for a plot – it hinges on Bat and Sup (Henry Cavill) having a beef for no discernible reason, fighting it out in a frenzy of who-has-the-biggest-dick posturing, then realizing they should be friends after they realize their mothers have the same name. Yes, you read that right. Add confusing action sequences, subpar special effects, and Jesse Eisenberg’s truly ridiculous performance as criminal mastermind Lex Luthor and the result is a mess that rivals director Zach Snyder’s previous Sucker Punch (2011) and Man of Steel (2013) for sheer ineptitude.

There is one sorta good thing here, and that’s Gal Gadot’s blink-and-you-miss-it turn as Wonder Woman. In a film chock-full of noise, Gadot manages to rise above the fray as a strong and clever heroine. Perhaps this is a good sign for her upcoming standalone flick, but who knows. Better not to get my hopes up.

Skip Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, a movie told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Carlos I. Cuevas